“Do you know the difference between fate and destiny?” Sufi John looks at me.

I know he isn’t just seeing what I’m presenting on the surface level, I know he is seeing me - beneath my posture, words, and the story I’m telling myself. Working with many spiritual teachers, healers, and mystics, I’ve had to get very comfortable with being seen.

I lean back and consider the question. The difference? I’m not sure, I realize previously thought of them as synonymous.

“I don’t know. Please tell me”, I say honestly.

In his own words, he proceeds to explain to me this concept:

Fate is something that happens to you and you learn how to move with it. Destiny is not a fixed outcome, it’s who you become through relationship with the Divine.

In this sense, you can fall unconsciously into a fated life, or you can consciously choose to step into a destined one.

Many spiritual traditions aim to make sense of our human experience and the role we play in shaping it. In Sufism, there’s a distinction between fate and what we do with it.

Certain aspects of life are considered given - your family, upbringing, body, timing, losses, and even certain spiritual initiations. These are not things we choose or control in a conscious, human way. They are fate.

What is within our control is how we relate to them. We can resist them, numb ourselves inside of them, stay in blame, or we can learn how to move with what we’ve been given and take responsibility for how we live from there.

I once heard another teacher describe this through a more playful lens:
What if, before coming to Earth, your soul was on something like the Magic School Bus, traveling through space and you consciously chose your family, your body, and the major themes of your life for your soul’s growth and evolution?

Whether you see these experiences as assigned (fate) or chosen (soul-level intention), or a blend of both, they all point to the same powerful truth:

Our lives aren’t something simply happening to us. We hold agency and influence over our lives and we are are actively co-creating them.

Highly sensitive and open to the mysteries of life from a young age, I’ve always been a dreamer, wonderer, and deep feeler. It wasn’t always something I felt comfortable expressing and I used to ask God why I was so sensitive, begging to be more “normal”.

It wasn’t until I got older that I realized being open to the mysteries of life was a superpower and a very courageous thing to do. I used it to dream larger and understand the world deeper than the options or explanations society easily handed to me. In time, I began finding it more familiar to trust in potential over the noise of fear.

You see, the more we do this, the more influence and powerful we harnass. It’s through our focus that we can choose destiny instead of simply falling into fate.

Destiny is a becoming through a relationship withe Divine. It’s an inner transformation that arises through remembrance, surrender, love, and intimacy with truth.

Hence - two people can live the same fate and arrive at completely different destinies.

“You have a choice between what’s familiar, which sure, feels okay at first. But I think you’ll be left pretty dissatisfied. Or you can consciously choose to step into a destined path.” Sufi John says to me.

It starts to sink in. As I self-reflect, I find myself in disbelief because I’m blown away by easy it can feel at times to unconsciously fall back into what I’ve known, not where I truly want to go.

What is familiar - the thresholds we set for ourselves … what if they were only that? What if our worries, fears, and blocks were only that? Not the true and full potential of where we can go? What if potential was limitless? Many like to fantisize and think about this - but to truly walk in that every day? Wow.

In order to do this, we must allow the old to die, consistently seek to be humbled, and walk with certainty in our heart’s vision - expanding the view as we travel. It requires harnessing our ability to show up with presence, to re-open after life lets us down, and to fully claim the things we deeply want most.

I sink into my body

With each breath beginning to feel more real

My mind still chatters

But I am stronger

My body still braces

But I am softer

Part of me afraid of what’s on the other side of letting go

But I choose to trust my soul knows the flow

I call on courage

To go further than I’ve gone

To fly higher than I’ve been

To touch deeper than I’ve known

I chose death as my word

No longer in fear

I erupt in laughter

Giggling at my innocent joy

Every time we are courageous enough to die,

We are reborn.

⁃ From Fate to Destiny , Written by Amanda Crocitto

From Fate to Destiny

The Courage to Become

Come Home to You